We come across people in our lives that ruffle our feathers. Whether it is a family member, a client, a political figure or a friend, sometimes what others do, say, eat or how they are sets us on fire! We all know this is not good for our health, high blood pressure or the balance of our life, but there is an up-side. Within every challenge, difficulty, or annoying family member, there is a golden opportunity to, as my friend Lara Riggio of The Lara Touch says, turn upset into access.
Access to what? Peace of mind, happiness and the good life. For your own sake, before you decide to “give a piece of your mind” or down a carton of Ben and Jerry’s, try these simple steps to sanity.
When someone is bothering you write down all the things that are annoying you. Take the time to put your true feelings down on a piece of paper or on your phone. Write down your real feelings and don’t sugar coat or be “nice” about it.
- I hate it when you are so controlling.
- You are so rude.
- You should be nicer.
- You should dress more appropriately.
Then look back over the list and replace all the “You’s” with “I” and reread the sentence. See if it is just as true.
When something is really bothering you, and it is more than an observation but it is making your blood boil, it is a sign that it is something in you that you are reacting to. It is access because that hot button is bringing something to the surface that you are trying to annihilate within you, kill off or shut down.
So, what is the remedy?
Radical self-acceptance and transcendence. Ultimately, attack thoughts cause you harm and have a negative effect on you and everything in your life. When you move from the energy level of criticism to acceptance you activate a healing process within yourself and once you heal your own heart and mind you heal your life.
When you are triggered try these steps.
- STOP and FEEL. Just be with the feeling. Don’t try and avoid it, ignore it, fix it or push it away. Sit with it. Notice where it is in your body. Don’t label it, just be fully present with it. In a matter of a few minutes or moments it will pass.
- Take inventory of where you are similar and see the positive side of being that trait.
Show compassion for yourself and recognize to be human is to be all things.
- Gratitude. Thank the other person for giving you access to seeing things differently and giving you access to healing that same trait within yourself. Use this mantra “I love you. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.”
All feelings and emotions are information. There are no “bad” ones. Learn to welcome your feelings and use upset to access a healing within.