What do you feel like you are not doing because your self-love tank is low?

Are you self-critical?

Are you sabotaging yourself?

Are you avoiding dating, dreaming, being seen or getting your work out there?

Here is what I believe. I believe self-love is a by-product of integrity. Living true to your values—whether you feel like it or not. It’s about doing hard things that build your self-confidence and understanding that how you feel about yourself is a result of your thinking.

If you can choose to feed your curiosity (instead of guilt and shame) about all the things you haven’t been able to do, you can then look at why you do the things you do and make the choices you make. You’ll see that these actions and decisions are serving some purpose for you, or else you wouldn’t do them; and then you can exercise your power to unravel your old stories and create new ones.

But this is work only you can do.

I learned this when I wanted to end my battle with an eating disorder, when I wanted to stop abusing drugs, when I wanted to eat a vegetarian diet, when I wanted to train for a fitness competition, when I wanted to become an author, a wife, a mother, and a business owner.

There is always a gap between where you are and where you want to be that will challenge you, and in order to cross from commitment to confidence, you have to have the courage to do what is hard. There is no other way. I believe there is no better way to develop self-love, self-respect and self-confidence than setting and achieving goals that reflect the person you truly want to become.

Self-love is a result of living in alignment with your values, purpose, and passion. But so many of us get stuck because we don’t trust ourselves to follow through, to not give up, to do hard things. Self-love is not about taking bubble baths, indulging in eating whatever you want or buying yourself some nice things. It is learning to manage your mind through challenges. It is about being learning to deal with your difficult emotions instead of over-eating, over-drinking, or playing small to avoid judgement, failure or embarrassment.

It is the opposite of that. It is getting on the court, playing hard and fighting for something instead of against something. It is about making conscious and intentional choices.

  • You want to be healthier and have more energy? Find an effective nutrition and movement plan that will lead you to experience that.
  • You want to be in a loving relationship? Learn to be vulnerable, authentic and loving.
  • You want to make more money? Learn to give more value to your customers and find ways to solve problems that others have.
  • You want to feel better in your skin? Treat your body with love. Feed it well, keep it clean, move it, care for it.

Self-love is an action and it looks different for every person. I believe that it is a skill you can learn, and it requires that you manage your mind, open your heart and develop the courage to show up to your life authentically.